Gaining Control

to breathe
sometimes needs reminding

to eat sustains life
to not eat gives control
the need for empowerment
the needing to be in control of something
when you can't control your surroundings

wanting it to all just stop
not being able to put the thoughts away
back in their box
someone please close the lid
can someone help me?
desperate
the need to be in control of something

unable to stop thinking
and yet at the same time thinking of nothing
needing to put these thoughts back in their box
please make it stop
please

must control something
pain
physical pain
to see my blood
to be in control of it
see it leaving my arm
to know im in control
finally in control

LAH November 1999

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