Helpless
helpless.
sitting here not being able to do anything,
wanting to help,
knowing i can't.
hurting cos they are hurting,
crying cos im so helpless,
not being able to cope,
not knowing what to do,
needing to collapse,
needing someone to hold me,
someone to protect me,
so i don't have to be strong,
so i can let it go.
being the strong one,
and yet collapsing at the same time,
helping someone,
and yet falling apart to someone else.
so weak,
not knowing what to do,
wanting relief from life,
even for 5 minutes.
needing to help this person,
not wanting them to hurt,
i don't want anyone to hurt.
i don't want to hurt.
and yet unable to relieve their pain,
unable to relieve my own pain,
so how can i help someone else?
am i too nice?
too caring?
feeling helpless,
feeling inadequate,
i want to stop feeling,
to stop feeling can stop caring,
to stop caring can stop pain,
to stop pain can stop everything,
to stop everything would be bliss.
LAH November 1999