Self Preservation

i have no right
no right to feel like this
and yet i do
i can't help what i feel
it is there within me
but i know i shouldn't feel this

knowing that it is silly
and yet unable to prevent it
hating myself for letting myself care
wanting to stop
needing to stop

do i need to distance myself even more?
i just might have to
to regain the focus
and to stop myself

self preservation
its something i need to do
something i have to do
to be hurt again
i can't cope with
not right now
let me gain my footing again
before i hurt myself again


Lisanne May 2000

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